i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize