I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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