if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
