He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
