Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Holy sore nipples Batman
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
