Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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