Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just pee around me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Enjoy the penises
COCAINE IS GR8
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
