just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize