she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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