So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
