we're blogging at a bar
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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