DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
