im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
