Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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