That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
