So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
