So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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