woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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