I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize