hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
