when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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