Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize