Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Why is your signature on my underwear?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
