I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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