You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
