Dude my mom stole all your condoms
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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