She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
