Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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