A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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