so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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