The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
