his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
