The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it was like eating out sand paper
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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