My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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