now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
