$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
