Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm too high and old for this...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
