i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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