I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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