she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
