keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
