You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
