its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize