just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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