A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
