So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
