I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
