when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize