I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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