i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
