she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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