Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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