i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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