This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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