He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
