Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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