i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Are we still banned from the library?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
