Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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