ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
