this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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