last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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