Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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