onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
